Moving

By J. Carlstad

When I heard the news we had to leave

That’s when I knew what it was to grieve

I put on my face

Went out to the field

Let my soul reach up to the sky

Nothing but wild space, open field,

Horizon there to meet my eye

The wind dried my tears, swept my cry up on high

But I doubt that anyone heard

My heart’s questions, this despair, the loss, I didn’t care…

The confusion – my vision blurred

No begging, imploring or pleading would change

This course that had now been set

Desperate hopes, loss of faith, the numbness

The sorrow remains even yet…

Field sparrows softly called as the grasses gently swayed

Leaves of the aspens seemed to quiver

The mist around me rose in a caress

While the moon shone from a sliver

I knew in my heart my soul remains here

In the space of this northern land

Connections of family, friends, and this life

From the times in this twenty year span

But more than the people, the life and the work

Is the peace and freedom of this earth

Where countless times I’ve shared its space

And creativity has been given birth

I’d walk the horizon, feel the sun kiss my cheek

While the cranes purred overhead

I’d scan the treeline for a shape new and dark

‘twould be a deer, moose, or bear instead

The moon would lift up luminescence

in nights of a silvery glow

The stars would bandy the heavens

And out there my soul would grow

I don’t know if there are any who can understand

How this space lets me be me

The wild beauty of this land

And what it is to be free

To dance in the glowing dawn

Arms outstretched to greet the sun

Singing the twilight to bed

Watching the stars come out one by one

When I heard the news we had to leave

That’s when I knew what it was to grieve

I put on my face

Went out to the field

Let my soul reach up to the sky

Nothing but wild space, open field,

Horizon to meet my eye

The wind dried my tears, swept my cry up on high

But I doubt that anyone’s heard

My heart’s questions, despair, the loss, I didn’t care…

The confusion – my vision blurred

But now I’m graced with a woodland

Color fusion and glorious song

In sylvan glades with greening blades

And a soul still growing strong

Music spills out of the forest

Like a waterfall or bubbling brook

Each pathway a miracle of wonder

Whenever I take time to look

A river with churning waters

Deer, fox, and birds abound

I run along the paths

Absorbing the joy of each wondrous sound

So I guess the transitional space

Fertilized by grief knows no bounds

But somehow it may all come together

As the seasons of our lives come around

Perhaps some closure may come

for the pain has not gone away

I guess in my heart I know there’s a space

In those fields for me yet, some day…